by Kim Filchak, Reporter

Another week and another double dose of musical insanity being brought to us by the same people responsible for Tangled. (Seriously, Disney. WTH?) This week the musical maniacs start out with Two Balls, a page ripped from the works of musical theater genius Mel Brooks.

Insert blatant excuse to post Mel Brooks clip here.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZegQYgygdw]

Mel Brooks is a musical God and deserves all the awards for this alone.

Our first idle takes us to Sid’s home town, Sidneyland. Seems our good squire is kinda a big deal back in his tiny hamlet that seems to be populated by characters that  just fell out of Woody Allen’s playbook circa Radio Days. If they laid the Jewish stereotypes on any thicker they would choke on them, and in the case of some of the jokes they do.

Everyone in Sidneyland thinks Sid is a real mensch and that idealization is explained in song, because is this Galavant and of course it is. Think the Ballad of Jayne Cobb, Hero of  Canton from Firefly only with more Fiddler on the Roof references. And because this is a sitcom, despite any other trappings the show may have, the situation is more complicated than originally laid out by Sid when he suggested they pause on thier journey so he could see his parents. It is a plot firmly on the well worn path more than familar to anyone who has watched TV, like, ever. See Sid’s parents, and his entire fricking town, had such high hopes for thier little bubala that he could not let them down by letting them know he is only a lowly squire. So he may have fudged the truth. Just a bit. Like entirely.

 

 

Now everyone thinks Sid is a heroic hero who heroes and Gal is his lowly squire, a role Gal begrudgingly takes on for reasons, and Princess Sassy Skirts plays along with the entire thing because her people come from a long and mildly horrific tradition of improvisational theater and she is totally down with the sitch. She even imposes herself into the narrative Sid’s has spun as his shiksha fiancé. Which of course means they need to have a party, in the form of a celebratory ball.

All seems to be going well for everyone but Gal, who is really not down with the humiliation and manual labor involved in being a hero’s support staff. This is a good opportunity for Gal to achieve some personal growth since being a vain, self-obsessed, badass with killer abs can apparently only take you so far. Plus it makes his inevitable romantic entanglement with Princess Sassy Skirts more plausible if he is not a total D bag. This side plot also gives us my favorite song of the night, the musical perfection that is  “Jackass In a Can.”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-_zIpbCD94]

Over in the other half of this show King Lassy is confused, he conquered the land of Valencia, butchered the people and burned their crops, yet they seem so unhappy. Why is that? He gathers what remains of the citizens of his newly acquired nation to ask them how they enjoy spending their time, but as he cut down the tree where they like to engage in endless hours of improvisational theater, seems the good folks of Valencia are outta ideas about how to cheer the fuck up. And really confused as to why King Lassy would even want them to. (Cliffs Notes version: Impress his wife with how magnanimous he is and maybe she might do him. His plans are never very well thought out.)

Still their terrified bemusement will not stand in the way of King Lassy’s attempts to make them happy, whether they like it or not. Which leads up to the second ball of the night… Which throwing will be easier said than done as King Lassy has killed everyone who could play any musical instruments besides his executioners and destroyed all of the crops, so no non creepy music and no refreshments.

 

Both balls go about as expected, with Sid’s ending in quite moment of personal growth of him maybe coming out to his parents and King Lassy’s becoming an impromptu roast of the monarch and a beheading. Actually, the whole roast thing goes far better than you would think because honestly King Lassy is all things wonderful in the universe (Biased? I am not biased. I have not idea what you are talking about. Now if you excuse I have to get back  to re capping Lassy, err Galavant.), that is until Random Eunuch spills the beans about Queen Madalena and the hot jester doing it. And but it I mean “IT” and not exchanging knock knock jokes in bed. Though I am sure some of that happens as well.

Suffice to say this does not end well for him

 

Our second hour, Comedy Gold, does not link up thematically quite as well as Two Balls but is a stronger episode and  it has singing land pirates, which makes it the best thing to happen to me all week.

It all starts with our three amigos still on their way to Valencia and while they sing a merry tune about how in sync they are? In truth things are not going quite as smoothly as lyrics may imply. Turns out heroic heroes who hero get all of the raisins out of the trail mix, Princess Sassy Skirts is a mouth breather who snores like a bear (It’s a deviated septum and it is an actual medial condition!) and Sid just wants them to deal with their shit before he smothers them both in their sleep.

Which means this is the perfect time for them to be accosted and captured by land pirates! Yay pirates! And this is a thoroughly awesome and charming bunch who have a sideline of selling organic homemade deserts. Okay sure, the eat Sid’s pomade and our pirate’s ship is currently landed on the side of a hill, but they have swords and hook hands and peg legs aplenty! Plus they sing a mean shanty.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pspiagUGbPw]

Our heroes are well and truly boned, especially once the pirates find the Big Ass Jewel that Princess Sassy Skirts had hidden in her “girl supplies”. Seeing the awesome booty of the Big Ass Jewel (as well as the girl supplies, don’t ask.) the Pirate King, nee Pillaging Pete, remembers meeting Gal previously at Lilith Fair on the island of Les Bo (Again, don’t ask), and asks to take a walk with Gal in order to offer him a proposal, dump the squire and the mouth breather to join up with the pirate crew.

However the pirates inability to work together, they can’t even figure out how to un land their ship, makes Gal realize that perhaps he should get over himself and start working with Princess Sassy Skirts because together with Sid they are a good looking and remarkably diverse trio. And really, her mouth breathing and snoring is kind of endearing. It’s not like she can help it, she has a deviated septum! Though the chewing with the mouth open thing is still kinda gross.

This moment of personal growth actualized Gal frees himself and takes the Pete the Pirate King captive. With that bit of daring do easily accomplished, he is a hero after all, Gal and his captive head back to the others only to find that Sid and Princess Sassy Skirts have already got this thing sorted and the rest of the pirate crew defeated.

Seeing an opportunity as well as an After School Special life lesson Gal offers to help the pirates work together to get their ship free in exchange for their help in sailing to Valencia. One quick musical number later and our heroes and their ride are on their way to meet destiny. The interlude ends with Princess Sassy Skirts spilling her betraying guts, but Gal seems to have wandered off and missed it. Or did he?

On the other side of the destiny coin, my one true love King Lassy is still put out that his Queen in boning the help. The most surprising part of this is that Jester Steve still has all of his bits intact after the revelation of his side job as a bit on the side to Queen Madalena at the end of Two Balls, but the ways of King Lassy are ineffable. Instead of a painful dismemberment our hot Jester Steve is recruited by King Lassy to teach our King how to be funny. Because that is what the dead soulless eyes of his dread queen enjoys most about the hot dude, his observational humor.

Honestly though I really don’t think King Lassy needs any help in the being hilarious, the man can even make prop humor funny. Who does not like being surprised by the man we are currently cuckolding repeatedly stabbing us with a terrifyingly realistic fake sword! Ha. Brilliant. And lepers, what is it with all the parts falling off?

Misplaced motivation aside it seems like this particular side plot is leading to a wonderful new friendship for our King, which it is, until all of this one on one time with his evil yet endearingly adorkable monarch lead to Jester Steve re thinking boinking the wife of his new friend and comedy mentee.

This revelation however does not go over well with the other half of the sex sandwich equation. Turns out she only had one use for him, and now that it is no longer on the menu he is of no use to her anymore, so it is off to the dungeon with him. The scary one. With the mice. Yep, another step on Madalena’s  inevitable road to full on Lannister is taken. Turns out she did not even know his name, Cersei would be proud.

Until next week and the further adventures of King Lassy the Awesome, his evil hell bride, and his many minions! And also the story of some rando dude with a silly name who he wants to punch in the face.