Written by Katt Jurado
A review for Fast Five? Sure, I liked Ocean’s Eleven; but I remember it being much smarter.
Basics: Paul Walker and Jordana Brewster get Vin Diesel out his of 25- to-life prison sentence by flipping the bus that Diesel is riding in – such that it seems as if they don’t care whether he survives or not. However, if you insist, the movie continues, and the rest of it is spent trying to bring down the most powerful man in Rio De Janeiro, while also avoiding the D.A. cops who have been sent to bring them back to the United States. They put together a Breakfast Club of needed accomplices, mimicking Ocean’s Eleven in the process. Tyrese Gibson’s character puts it best when he says, “You bring us to a whole other country just to rob the guy who runs it?” Oh, the reason they’re called to bring down the most powerful man in Rio? Um…good question. From what the movie shows, it’s because a deal goes south when, in actuality, there was no real threat to anyone in the situation – just some shady business they could’ve stayed out of and been paid anyway.
Standing alone, Fast Five has no legs. Reoccurring characters aren’t explained as to why they should matter, so instead the audience doesn’t care and along the same line, you miss the inside jokes if you haven’t seen the rest of the series. If nothing else, (because there is nothing else) you go to see Fast Five for the cars, stunts, and chase scenes. However, there aren’t many cool cars. You don’t see them for long and you don’t get to see what they’re capable of. The stunts are decent but predictable, and there was a lack of creativity in how to use the silent character of the vault in the main chase scene. This seemed like another nod to “Ocean’s Eleven” as far as the process of stealing money and switching vaults, except the time-frame doesn’t add up; nor does the ole switch-a-roo.
The only thing that keeps you in the theater is the hope that the battle between Vin Diesel and The Rock will be incredible. Lo and behold, when the time comes, you would’ve been better off watching reruns of Greco Roman wrestling matches from the 1984 Summer Olympics. It definitely doesn’t make up for all the bromance between Walker and Diesel you have to stomach throughout the rest of the movie.
You spend the entire movie saying, “Of course.” Of course there’s a blow torch out of nowhere, of course there’s a bridge, of course they survive, of course Vin Diesel can break chains because he feels like it, of course it’s “one last job,” of course there’s forbidden romance, of course they all end up on the same team, of course it turns into a suicide mission, of course they bring down all the corrupt cops in one outing, of course they get a head start and yet, of course you cheer. Stick around through the credits (Nick Fury shows up to invite Diesel and The Rock to join The Avengers…) and again, of course, it’s not over.
ComicsOnline gives Fast Five – 3 out of 5 crazy car crashes.
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