Summer blockbuster movies are normally one of the highlights to the mid year season. Many look forward to being entertained with whatever new spectacle that Hollywood has managed to cook up, while being able to turn their minds off and let the grandiose explosions and crazy CGI special effects engulf them every year at this time. Sure these movies will never be considered even close to cinematic masterpieces and most lack any real depth or originality, but that’s not why people go to see them. They go to be wrapped up in the normally highly unrealistic world being presented on the giant sliver screen… there is a reason why these films are called “popcorn flicks” after all. People don’t ask for believability or logic, they just want a damn good time! This summer, Hasbro Studios has stepped up to the blockbuster call once again after experiencing many different ranges of success in adapting their previous properties from action figures to celluloid with their Transformers and G.I. Joe films. This time however they have gone about the task of adapting a board game (with no existing story whatsoever) into a complete epic battle for earth Independence Day style alien invasion movie with Battleship.
Wait… Battleship? As in the board game with the little red and white pegs? I don’t think I remember anything about aliens in that game… well besides that kid with the really weird shaped head I’d always play against and get my ass promptly handed to me. I grew up in a weird neighborhood… but yet none of that was as weird as what Hasbro has managed to do with this board game license in the transition to the big screen.
The movie focuses on Lt. Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch from Disney’s recent Sci-Fi epic John Carter) a good for nothing slacker who is forced to into the navy by his brother in order to try and make something of himself and his life. In doing so, he falls in love with a girl who happens to be the Admiral’s daughter (newcomer Brooklyn Decker). The Admiral (played by Liam Neeson in what could barely be described as being in the actual movie) is not fond of Alex, and looks down on her daughter choosing him out of everyone. Since Alex is such a trouble maker, he constantly gets himself into fights he quickly ends up on the bad side of everyone and is threatened by the Admiral that he will be kicked out of the Navy after the upcoming naval war games coming up. None of this backstory plot really matters though since aliens show up and start blowing shit up. Really this film loses its plot very fast as it becomes amazingly mindless with everything it does. The dialog is painful in several parts and the gaps in logic are inexcusable. When one of your best actors in your entire movie happens to be Rihanna, you know you have a problem (but she really does a great job in this movie despite all of the shortcomings with the script…and the plot…and the movie overall).
Granted the CGI work is well done for the alien ships and explosions, despite certain designs being “borrowed” from other places (I never knew Battleship took place in the same universe as Halo! I never knew Battleship even had a universe to begin with!). The various battles are jam packed with crazy stunts and effects that would make Michael Bay tip his hat to the filmmakers here. There is also a somewhat well done grid based sequence when our fearless heroes are trying to figure out where the alien ship is to fire missiles at it in a reference to the actual board game.
Overall the film is quite a disappointment on so many levels. I will admit, there are several great moments in the film (I loved the actual inclusion of the game, and the role that the retired officers play) but good moments need to be surrounded by strong content, because even they couldn’t save this sinking ship. They even miss the chance to have a character say “Sir… they sunk our Battleship..” which that in itself would have at least given the film some points of redemption. When there are so many great summer blockbusters hitting this summer, Hasbro Studios Battleship is more of a (F3) MISS than a (H10) HIT… it may want to try another square.
ComicsOnline.com gives Battleship 2 Alien Master Chief ripoffs out of 5.
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