“The Black Dalai Lama? Never heard of him. We’re keeping the cover.”

Lost Boys: The Thirst looks better than any straight to DVD movie I have ever seen. The few special effects worked, looked like a theatrically released movie and didn’t add to any cheesiness. The lighting, quality and all other visual components far exceeded my expectations. If you randomly walked in on any scene you wouldn’t get the “oh, I must have passed out watching the Twilight Zone and woke up during a Bruce Campbell-less SyFy original movie” feeling.

Here’s the basic plot: a techno DJ vampire is holding Stephanie Meyer’s (name changed) brother hostage and Corey Feldman (Edgar Frog) and friends need to rescued him from a rave where said DJ plans to turn the everyone in attendance into vampires by distributing vampire blood as a new drug (True Blood, plz don’t sue, kthnx) called The Thirst. There are also a few subplots including a fake reality show, a Frog brother turned vampire, a love story and a guy that sells TOTALLY CRAZY vampire-killing weapons.

I know it’s cliché to hate on Corey Feldman, but it has to be mentioned when reviewing a movie in which he is the only known actor. It’s impossible to find any aspect of LB:TT relate-able when the protagonist is so unlikeable that you have to be Michael Jackson-crazy to even tolerate him. I can suspend disbelief enough to buy into a world full of blood-sucking immortals, but there’s no way I can accept the fact that I’m supposed to want Feldman to survive for an hour and a half. The vampires themselves are no Cullenseses and the viewer is left not really caring about anyone. This isn’t Scream, where the viewer roots for the victims, nor is it Scream 2, where you root for the killer. This is Scream 3, where the viewer roots for not letting Fred pick which movie to rent anymore.

This is part of the picture I was working on for this review prior to realizing it was late.

Special Features:

The only special feature on the DVD release of Lost Boys: The Thirst is a short piece entitled, “The Art of Seduction: Vampire Lore”. This is the cast, crew and random vampire “expert” types that they picked up at the local table-top RPG tournament explaining the appeal of vampires in contemporary culture. The highlight of these feature is when Corey Feldman explains that they included the “rave” element of Lost Boys: The Thirst to appeal to today’s youth. This movie was released in 2010, I’m fairly confident that today’s youth looks at raves the same we we did at disco, they were a mere 20 years too late with their attempt at pandering to the kids. (“Check out this rockin soundtrack by 2010’s hottest band, Limp Bizkit!” [Obviously they didn’t have Limp Bizkit money for the soundtrack. They did, however, have enough for a budget for Corey Feldman’s band, The Truth Movement.])

Overall:

Lost Boys: The Thirst is a straight to DVD movie about Corey Feldman killing vampires.

If you were a fan of Lost Boys: The Tribe, The Thirst is definitely a step up, and if you’re a fan of the original series, why not do yourself a favor and skip The Tribe and head straight to The Thirst. This movie is dying for someone to make an awesome drinking game out of it. So, if you and your friends see it On Demand, why not give it a spin and make the game up as you go? And if you want to rent it, good luck finding somewhere to rent movies, clinging-to-the-90s guy.

ComicsOnline gives Lost Boys: The Thirst on DVD two out of five “remember? Like that movie you loved 25 years ago!”s.

Get Lost Boys: The Thirst on Amazon now or the ghost of Corey Haim will whine to you while you‘re trying to sleep!

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