By Ben “Zombie” Bedgood

It might not surprise you that those of us at ComicsOnline are pretty Geeky. It might surprise you that many of us on staff are also parents.

For myself, I have found that the old school nursery rhymes don’t really seem to fit well in today’s society. “Ring around the Rosy” for example is about the black plague… When was the last outbreak of the black plague? It’s been a while, for sure!

So, before my son was born, I started collecting geek-oriented nursery rhymes to tell or sing to my son. I have collected them all here so that I can share them with you, my fellow geeky parents! Please feel free to enjoy, share with other geeky parents or (most importantly) your Little Monsters!

Doctor Who – The Whisper Men
The Whisper Men come from Doctor Who and were first seen in the episode “The Name of the Doctor.” These hollow villains typically spoke in rhyming couplets, so it was no surprise to find a nursery rhyme based on these creatures who tried to get the best of the Eleventh Doctor.

Do you hear the Whisper Men
The Whisper Men are near
If you hear the Whisper Men
Then turn away your ear

Do not hear the Whisper Men
Whatever else you do
For once you’ve heard the Whisper Men
They’ll stop… and look at you

If you hear the Whisper Men
And you are in their sight
The presence of the Whisper Men
Will mean for you ‘Good Night’

Don’t ignore the Whisper Men
They’re not just in your head
Be fearful of the Whisper Men
Ignore them… and you’re dead

Doctor Who – Our Father Time
This simple rhyme pays homage to our dear Doctor. I love this because it doesn’t matter which regeneration of the Doctor you are thinking about when you teach it to your little ones. It was written in a way that it can be about any or all of them!

Our Father Time
Our Doctor who art in Tardis Time
Lord be thy race;

Child of Gallifrey,
Never here to stay,
Soon off again to save the heavens,
Two hearts beat inside thy chest,

And ye are fond of us humans,
Fond enough to protect us from all threats;
Do not fall into the darkness,
Instead offer mercy to evil.

Doctor Who – Blink Little Angel
The Weeping Angels first appeared in the episode “Blink” and were one of the most formidable foes to go against any regeneration of the Doctor. Using time as a weapon, the Weeping Angels are the thing of nightmares, even for grown ups. So, it’s not surprising that they found their way into their very own nursery rhyme.

The angel is weeping
Or so it seems
Just do not blink
Because you will be brought to your misery

Put in the past or just plain dead
They eat off what could have been
But they’d rather have the Tardis instead
They are the Weeping Angels

Never to be seen by each other
Only a casing of stone
The perfect defense
But do not look away

Or even blink
Because if you do
The Weeping Angels will come alive
And they shall have their feast

Batman – Beware the Court
Straight out of Scott Snyder’s Batman: The City of Owls story line, this rhyme quickly became a favorite among Batman fans. In the comics we see a young Bruce Wayne being told this rhyme by his father before bed. Based on the secret society that runs Gotham City from the shadows, it was such a simple yet perfect nursery rhyme to pass on to our little ones.

Beware the Court of Owls
That watches all the time
Ruling Gotham from a shadowed perch
Behind granite and lime

They watch you at your hearth
They watch you in your bed
Speak not a whispered word about them
Or they’ll send The Talon for your head

Buffy – The Gentlemen
First seen in the episode “Hush,” The Gentlemen were arguably the most terrifying monsters to be encountered by the Scooby Gang. These silent, voice-and-heart stealing creatures even came with their own nursery rhyme in the episode.

Can’t even shout, can’t even cry,
The Gentlemen are coming by

Looking in windows, knocking on doors,
They need to take seven and they might take yours,

Can’t call to mom, can’t say a word,
You’re gonna die screaming, but you won’t be heard.

Star Trek – I’m a Little Bat’leth
Based on our love of Star Trek and the Klingon Empire, this rhyme is based on “I’m a Little Tea Pot.” It is the perfect song to teach your little warrior for when they go invading the yards of the neighborhood.

I’m a little Bat’leth
Sharp and curved
Here is my handle
I won’t be reserved

When you hear our war cry
You’ll be unnerved
Quake in terror
And then get served

The Hobbit – Misty Mountains
This song was partially sung in the 2012 blockbuster The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey; however, the full version can actually be found in the book. This beautiful song is the last one I have to share, and a perfect way to lull your Little Monster, Demon Slayer, Klingon Warrior, Whovian, or Wee Hobbit to sleep at night.

Far over the misty mountains cold
To dungeons deep, and caverns old
We must away ere break of day
To seek the pale enchanted gold

The Dwarves of yore made mighty spells
While hammers fell like ringing bells
In places deep, where dark things sleep
In hollow halls beneath the fells

For ancient king and elvish lord
There many a gleaming golden hoard
They shaped and wrought, and light they caught
To hide in gems on hilt of sword

On silver necklaces they strung
The flowering stars, on crowns they hung
The dragon-fire, in twisted wire
They meshed the light of moon and sun

Far over the misty mountains cold
To dungeons deep and caverns old
We must away, ere break of day
To claim our long-forgotten gold

Goblets they carved there for themselves
And harps of gold; where no man delves
There lay they long, and many a song
Was sung unheard by men or elves

The pines were roaring on the height
The winds were moaning in the night
The fire was red, it flaming spread
The trees like torches blazed with light

The bells were ringing in the dale
And men looked up with faces pale
Then dragon’s ire more fierce than fire
Laid low their towers and houses frail

The mountain smoked beneath the moon
The Dwarves, they heard the tramp of doom
They fled their hall to dying fall
Beneath his feet, beneath the moon

Far over the misty mountains grim
To dungeons deep and caverns dim
We must away, ere break of day
To win our harps and gold from him

Under the Mountain dark and tall
The King has come unto his hall
His foe is dead, the Worm of Dread
And ever so his foes shall fall

The sword is sharp, the spear is long
The arrow swift, the Gate is strong
The heart is bold that looks on gold
The Dwarves no more shall suffer wrong

The Dwarves of yore made mighty spells
While hammers fell like ringing bells
In places deep, where dark things sleep
In hollow halls beneath the fells

On silver necklaces they strung
The light of stars, on crowns they hung
The dragon-fire, from twisted wire
The melody of harps they wrung

The mountain throne once more is freed
O! wandering folk, the summons heed
Come haste! Come haste! across the waste
The king of friend and kin has need

Now call we over mountains cold
‘Come back unto the caverns old’
Here at the Gates the king awaits
His hands are rich with gems and gold

The king is come unto his hall
Under the Mountain dark and tall
The Worm of Dread is slain and dead
And ever so our foes shall fall

I hope one, or all, of these nursery rhymes find their way into your Little Monster’s bedtime ritual at some point – it’s just the Geek thing to do.